Doris Willoughby
by shadowrunning
Summary: None


Disclaimer: I do not own Shrek or any things relating to it. But I _do_ own my ideas in this story, and you do not. Mwahahahahhahaha. And this is the official new and improved chapter, with more _accurate_ Spanish --…. lol thanks bonnythebunny! yes I do not speak spanish in the least so I appologize for the terrible grammar….And my beautiful story DID have exactly 666 words in it… that was pretty cool on account of I didn't even know…but oh well I must improve and sacrifice the word count….lol

"Shrek, I don't think this is a good idea. My donkey senses are tingling all over!" Complained Donkey. Shrek sneezed onto a nearby mushroom.

"Senor, perhaps I could take the first sip of thees potion. It would be an honor to lay my life on the line for you." Said puss, taking a low bow.

"No, I don't think so!" Said Donkey, snatching the bottle away from puss. "That's the _best _friend's job!" Shrek reached out his arm to stop him but he had already taken a large swig out of the bottle. Coughing, donkey set it down.

"How do you feel?" Asked Shrek.

"I feel exactly the same…"

"You stell look like an ass to me!" Puss chuckled. "Eet probably doesn't work on _Los asnos._" Puss swiped the bottle away from Donkey, wiped the rim with his forearm, and daintily took a sip from it. Smacking his lips and studying the taste, he looked at the label. "Stransh, eet seems to be-…" Shrek cut him off.

"I don't think it's meant for animals at all! Let me try it." Shrek chugged what was left of the potion. He rubbed his stumach, and after a few exiting seconds a loud fart erupted from his butt. Donkey and puss cringed and ran behind a rock.

"Maybe The Fairy Godmother was right. Maybe ogres weren't meant to have happily ever afters." He said gloomily, and continued sown the road. Puss and donkey followed, exchanging disappointed glances. But meanwhile behind their backs, the homely mushroom that Shrek had sneezed on glowed a shimmering shade of blue, and morphed into a blood-red rose.

The rain was pouring down on the small house they found, and it just added to the misery. Shrek was starting to get lightheaded, and he wasn't the only one. Donkey smiled at him weakly and began to sing:

"The sun'll come out…tomorrow, bet your bottom…….." But Donkey collapsed.

"Bet my bottom!?" Shrek frowned.

"Hey boss….let's shave heem!" Said Puss, with a mischievous smirk. But Shrek did not reply, he was already teetering back and fourth. His vision started to cloud up, and soon he fell down too, except on top of Puss.

"REUOW!!!!!"

Next day

Shrek opened his eyes. '_Man_ _my head hurts…'_ He suddenly tensed up. He was laying on top of a very large, very furry lump. Springing up and turning around, Shrek feasted his eyes upon an enormous tiger, at least 600 pounds. It was still sleeping, but there was something strange about it. Beside it was a leather belt with a sword in one of the loops. It was broken, snapped clean in half. Also, there were two black boots on it's paws, the seams nearly bursting. A hat with a red feather was teetering on it's left ear.

"Puss?" Shrek said. The mass of orange fur shifted.

"Ohhh…la cabeza me duele mucho…" He grumbled. He struggled to his feet and suddenly his eyes widened as he laid his eyes on Shrek.

"Hey boss I theenk the potion worked…" He said wearily.

"That's for sure, just look at you!"

"Look at me, look at y-….holy crep… ah am a TIGRE!" Puss shouted. Shrek looked at him, puzzled.

"And I drank the potion so that means…" He looked at his hands.

"WHOAH! A cute…button…nose? Thick wavy locks…TAUGHT ROUND BUTTOCKS!?!?" "I'm….I'm…a human!" Puss walked around, wincing in pain.

"What are on my toes? Zey hurt!" He complained. Puss looked back at his legs and screamed.

"My boots! My beautiful, custom made renajesta boots!!!…ruined…what ever shall I do without my boots!? Wahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Indeed, the seams were stretched almost to the breaking point. The leather was ripped in several places, and the finish was wrinkled.

Shrek put a finger to his lips. "Where's donkey?"

"I don't know boss. But I see a strange white horse running around outside, though."

Shrek whirled around and looked out the window. A large white horse was galloping around in a circle. It saw Shrek and ran up to the window, flashing a toothy grin.

"Donkey…you're a…a…"

"_Stallion _Baby! I can whinny!" He whinnied loudly. "I can count!" He pawed the ground excitedly. "Look at me Shrek, I am t-rotting! Man, that's some quality potion. What's in that stuff?" He asked. Puss fumbled around for the potion bottle and eventually grasped it with his huge clawed paw.

"Side affects may include weeping, oozing, itching, burning…not recommended for heart patients or people with mental problems. (A/N: Not sure if that's exact ;D) To make effects of this permanent you muss get true love's kees by meednight."

"Why is it always midnight?" Shrek complained.

"First things first Shrek, we gotta get you outta those clothes."

I don't think I'll continue this story…its just a slight variation of the real thing except puss turns into a tiger…the rest of the story goes the same as the movie so…yeah!


End file.
